06. NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IS MY SUPER POWER
Negative self-talk can be crippling.
Mine sounds like this. “What am I doing? I can’t publish a book. Who would even read my book, let alone buy it? I don’t have anything new or different to say. I’m not special. I don’t have a PhD. I don’t even look right. Why IS my hair so frizzy? I never take the time to do it properly. But I don’t have enough time in the morning. I should wake up earlier. But then I definitely should go to bed earlier. Either way, I need to sleep longer. I don’t get eight hours and I know that’s bad. All the studies show I need more sleep. That’s probably why my skin looks like this.”
Negative self-talk is the worst, right? All the brightest leadership authors say so. I know it. You know it. And yet, here we are smack talking (at ourselves) like drunks in a rival sports bar. And knowing it’s bad for you doesn’t make it better…oh no. That only leads to beating yourself up more. “There I go again with the negative self-talk. I HAVE to stop doing that. Gosh, I’m lame. What is wrong with me?!” I had that shouting match with myself for years. It’s a vicious cycle, right? Wrong. It ended there for me and it can for you, too. Right now.
An Advantageist always looks for the value in difficult experiences. Negative self-talk is MY personal ongoing, do-it-yourself, difficult experience; so I was determined to find its advantage. And that’s exactly what I did. I changed my relationship with negative self-talk by finding its advantages.
I know you’re thinking I’m the engineer of a crazy train. TOOT-TOOT! What on earth are the upsides of negative self-talk?! Aren’t you supposed to repeat affirmations to succeed?
For starters, I’ve recognized that negative self-talk is what always happens just before I do something really cool like write a powerful article that moves someone or before I address an audience of hundreds of people that ends in applause. I say really mean things to myself before I launch a new successful program, make a giant fundraising ask or have a tough conversation that goes remarkably well. Negative self-talk is my step one. Now, when I start to say terrible things to myself, I accept it as the precursor to something wonderful. I don’t further beat myself up about having these thoughts. I note it and then move on to greatness.
Negative self-talk is also how I work out a tough issue or prepare for something bold. Absolutely no one is a bigger critic of me than I am of myself. I throw all kinds of questions at myself and work through the answers before others even have the chance to launch them at me. I’m more comfortable and confident when naysayers come my way because of the brutal internal dialogue I’ve already had with myself. Sweet!
Negative self-talk helps me relate easily to others. We all do it—why not bond over it? Acknowledging my habit of self-bullying out loud often surprises others and welcomes them to be their true, authentic selves, too. Let me be clear—I’m not suggesting that anyone make themselves small in order to make others comfortable. I’m saying that I’m not afraid that you’ll see my imperfections and as a result, I’m not afraid of you, either.
I went looking for the advantages of negative self-talk and now I know it’s my super power. Can you expand your perspective on a nagging flaw and make it YOUR super power? Try it and you may just uncover a great fortune in your misfortune.
You’re welcome.
Rachel
