We give our deep focus to what’s painful, what’s failing, where we are inadequate or less than. We can’t sleep because we regret what we said earlier, or because we don’t know what to say tomorrow. Our negativity bias is an essential survival skill protecting us from rejection and physical or emotional harm. But that same essential skill can diminish the deep joy available within our every day.

Board members and nonprofit executives can parter to drive each other’s performance or they can drive each other crazy. How are you driving? If you’re headed for a crash, it might be time for nonprofit CEO and Board Chair dual coaching.

As an Advantageist, I don’t look away from pain or deny its impact.  To invalidate pain, mine or another’s, is to reject life and our experience in it.  Finding the advantages in difficult experiences or emotions isn’t about silver linings or avoidance of the pain that is real, true, and valid.  It is about recognizing there is more to this story.  There is pain AND there is more.

Optimism takes many shapes and forms. It’s worth considering the “upside” of downside thinkers. 

When you see someone in pain, accept the invitation to show care. You don’t need to fix it. You don’t even need to understand it. Just notice and express genuine care.

Adversity can become advocacy when we recognize the advantages of our difficult experiences.  Then our advantages aren’t just a win for ourselves—they’re for everyone.

When I’ve hit my limit and I’m operating on my factory settings, it’s not possible to do or give enough to feel satisfied with my output, but I’ll still deplete myself trying anyway.  Inevitably, I wind up silently crying in my car because the grocery store doesn’t have the pretzels I like. And then I know in the way the watermelon knows.  Crash.  Splat.

Pause in your moment of very real pain to really see those around you. Consider how much more deeply you appreciate them because of this experience.

We can extract the value of our difficult experiences by identifying the lessons we’re learning.

When life is hard—I mean really hard—it’s difficult to see the remarkable ways we benefit from experiencing struggle, adversity, and straight-up misfortune.  When we’re going through those difficult times, it’s hard to remember that we’re also (and ALWAYS) benefitting, too.  To help spot those benefits, I’ve developed a handy list of 21 Advantage Extractors.

Are you pausing one area of your life to feed energy to another? Worried about how difficult it will be to get that paused bit back into motion?  Fear not!  There are advantages to taking a break.

So if today is a challenge and you feel like you’re smashed under the weight of a grown woman and a coffee maker, remember this: We grow through what we go through. Every time.

Where feedback falls short: We often hold back on sharing the impact others make on us, yet we assume others will share the impact we’re making on them. So when we don’t get positive feedback, we’re convinced we suck big time. **Newsflash** If you’re measuring your worth on the metaphorical or literal likes and shares in your real or online life; you’re missing out.

The love stays even when we experience loss. The advantage is in recognizing what we still have and how it persists, endures. We must call those gifts forth, summoning them into each moment and connecting it to our present.

I think we have a choice to make, friends.  We can pack the dryer full and run it MANY times over, or we can choose fewer things to do well, then reload.

Sure, turnover is painful, but there are advantages! Whether you’re struggling with turnover like you’ve never seen or you’ve lost just one cherished team member, this list is for you.

Whether you’re grieving or feeling upset for another reason, saying “cheer up” or “think positive” or “good vibes only” or “it could be worse” to yourself or another is not only insensitive, but also hurtful and unhelpful.  Those words send a message of invalidating, dismissing and delegitimizing genuine emotion. That’s toxic positivity.  Gross.

We spend most of our adult lives pursuing the next right choice so we can set ourselves up for success.  The reality, though is much of our success, our biggest wins, and achievements, doesn’t come from doing everything just right.  Lots of it comes from failing and experiencing adversity of all kinds.  In all the twists and turns, we wind up winning from our losses. 

it’s very possible to extract the advantages of your miserable situation in real time WHILE you are going through the yuck!

My perpetual angst was keeping me from fully enjoying the time I still have with my loved ones.  And, if the loss I feared really did happen; I wouldn’t be able to get these precious moments back.  I needed to make the most of the moments while I still had the chance and that meant letting go of trying to control the world around me.