21. READY LIKE RUTH.

“Sound it out.”  That’s what my teacher told me when I was learning to read, so that’s what I said to my daughter when she was struggling.  It didn’t work.  “Use your finger to point to the words as you say them.”  Nope.  Didn’t work.  She was trying SO hard and not making much progress.

You don’t know how difficult it is for a parent to navigate the education system with a child struggling to read until you are that parent or you love someone who is.

I certainly didn’t know until I knew.

I took enough Psychology classes at Indiana to know there are many different learning styles and what works for me won’t necessarily work for my kiddo.  My daughter is very bright and I could tell she needed a different approach.  So I asked my daughter’s teacher, “can you help me understand how she learns best?” 

Long story short, no—she couldn’t.  She wanted to, but she couldn’t.

So, I reached out to the principal, whom I adore.  “Can you help me understand my daughter’s learning style?  Is there an assessment we can do?”

In return, I got a 30-something page booklet about my rights as an Ohio parent.

Um, ok. Super. Now what do I do?

I mention the not-so-helpful results to my friend, Ruth as an aside at a work meeting.  She’s a straight-forward, straight from the heavens, super helpful human; so I shouldn’t have been surprised she had all the answers.  I didn’t know until I knew.

“Here’s what you need to do.”  Just like that, she was the perfectly calm flight attendant handing out infant flotation devises and pointing toward the illuminated exits. In 30 minutes I had a deeper understanding of learning disabilities within school systems, contacts, and, most importantly, a plan. 

Thank goodness for Ruth.

Turns out I needed a Neuropsychologist and nearly a year.  I learned my daughter’s IQ is sky high, she’s brilliant in all kinds of ways (I already knew that), and I learned her brain processes language differently than mine does.  Simple enough, right?  Nope.  It took the entire school year to complete all of the assessments, meetings, steps, and conversations for my daughter’s school district to recognize her Dyslexia and work with us to create a plan for her success.  That’s just how the process works.

As many as twenty percent of students have Dyslexia and need additional support in school to thrive. That’s one in five children, but many go undiagnosed.  Over the last year, I kept thinking, “well, no wonder so many children go undiagnosed.”  I thought about how difficult the system is and how much time, attention, and steadfastness it took our family to navigate.  What if we couldn’t afford the Neuropsychologist?  What if we didn’t have flexibility with work to attend the mid-day meetings with the school?  What if I were a single parent without childcare?  What if, like many of the parents at my daughter’s school, English weren’t my primary language?  What if my daughter’s needs were more complex?  What if we had to navigate this system alone?

Lesson learned: children need advocates and families do, too.

Advantage Extractor #9—Who can I now help because of this experience?  Because of my family’s educational journey with learning disabilities, I’m ready like Ruth to help other families.  I know the lingo, some of the questions to ask, and the referrals to make. I’m not an expert, but I get it. I can listen with a better understanding and cheer for you from the sidelines. 

Adversity can become advocacy when we recognize the advantages of our difficult experiences.  Then our advantages aren’t just a win for ourselves—they’re for everyone.

As for my daughter—she’s amazing. She’s learning she can do really hard things her own way and excel.  That will serve her well for the rest of her life.  I’ve always known she’s a brilliant badass.  Now she knows it, too.

Who can you champion because of what you’ve been through? Who can you now help?

When you know, you’re ready like Ruth.

Rachel