14. LIKES DON’T REFLECT YOUR IMPACT

I wrote a book.

Well, I completed a first draft.  I’m sure it will go through many revisions before it gets published.  IF it ever gets published.

I just want to give my words to the world because I honestly believe the ability to extract advantages from difficult life experiences heals and helps people.  Really, that’s it—I’d like to heal and help.  That’s super hard to do, though if I can’t get my words to the world (thus, a published book).

Publishers would like me to have 10,000 followers to prove people will buy my book before I can get signed. No big deal, right?  Wrong.  It’s hard.  Especially when you have a very full time job you’re passionate about, a busy young family, and a desire to use your “extra” time to write, not self-promote.  (Have I mentioned I don’t actually enjoy social media?)  The result is a tiny audience—a couple hundred here, about a thousand there. 

In the first few months after I started my site and blog, I got discouraged when only a few people clicked “like” or “share” or followed me.  Did the message fall flat?  Were my words irrelevant?  Was I missing the mark on the healing and helping bit?  How will I ever grow an audience big enough to get signed?

Then a funny thing happened.  With COVID restrictions loosening up a bit, I started to see people in person and noticed a common thread.  The overwhelming majority of connections I haven’t seen in a while say things like, “Oh my gosh—I’m a negative self-talker, too! I love your writing.  I read every post” and “that blog about your brother really hit home for me” or “I started thinking differently about the things I regret.” 

The funny thing: none of those adoring fans seem to like or share my work.  Not ever.

Hmmm.  People read and enjoy my work, but don’t like and share.  This likely sounds like a marketing problem, but I’m The Advantageist and I’m not focusing on the problem here, folks.  I’m focusing on the amazing advantage of too few likes and shares! Namely, I recognize the lack of feedback I get on social media isn’t an accurate reflection of the impact I’m making.  That’s a win!

Let me say that again.  The lack of feedback we get on social media isn’t an accurate reflection of the impact we’re making.  And it’s true beyond social media, too.  For all of us!

Where feedback falls short: We often hold back on sharing the impact others make on us, yet we assume others will share the impact we’re making on them.  So when we don’t get positive feedback, we’re convinced we suck big time.  **Newsflash** If you’re measuring your worth on the metaphorical or literal likes and shares in your real or online life; you’re missing out.

I’m a feedback junkie.  I even teach classes on how to give and receive the gift of feedback well (okay, here’s a self-promo—message me if you’d like to book me for a talk with your team).  Even feedback junkies need a reminder people are prone to keeping their best thinking to themselves. 

Here are two things you can do to boost the meaningful feedback you get:

1.       Ask for feedback directly. 

If you want coaching: “I’m looking to improve my X and I’d be grateful for your feedback on specific ways I can do better.”

If you want evaluation: “I’ve noticed that you are terrific at Y and I respect your opinion.  Can you give me feedback on how I’m doing at Y?”

If you want appreciation: “I’m working really hard at Z.  Can you help me understand the impact I’m making and the value I bring?  Am I making a difference?”

 2.       Commit to GIVING feedback regularly.  The more feedback you share with others, the more they’ll give you in return.  Start by sharing a note of gratitude or thanking someone for their specific good work.  Tell your partner when you notice an act of kindness or support.  Praise your kiddos for demonstrating compassion or concern for others.  Don’t just share the good stuff. Let a team member know when you notice their performance is slipping.  Share why it matters.

As for me, I understand others will measure my worth on the size of my audience, but I will not.  If my words are helping and healing, than I’m achieving my mission—publisher or not, book or not.  If you have feedback to share about my work, how it helps/heals, or how I can improve; please know I’m ready to receive it and I value your thinking.  Likewise, if you’re hungry for feedback I can provide, just ask and I will deliver.

And if you like this post, ya know…LIKE the post.

Rachel