13. MARCH IS HARD.
March is hard.
March 4 is my brother’s birthday. Just nineteen days after his thirty-eighth birthday, and on my mother’s birthday; March 23 he died.
On March 13 my closest childhood friend died at the age of twenty.
March is hard. But March is also an invitation to sit with my memories—to shine the light of my awareness on those I love and miss dearly. Think about it. We only feel loss when someone or something we value is taken away. I can’t feel that loss and sadness without also feeling the richness of all that I had and still have because of those I love.
I loved that my brother, Bobby showed up for all of his sons’ many sporting events. That he was so present in their lives and a wonderful caregiver. I honor him when I’m on the sidelines cheering for my own children. I love that he gave incredible hugs—crunch your ribs, I-might-have-broken-something kind of hugs. Bobby’s with me when I squeeze my loved ones in this way. I can feel his warmth—even for just a moment when I share my love with others.
My friend, Brett’s memory floods me with warm feelings, too. I swear he’s right next to me when I laugh so hard that I snort. When I eat foods that bring me joy and feel like there’s a smile in my belly. Brett asked great questions and listened deeply for answers. He had a way of making you feel really special and heard. His mom shares this gift, too. When I’m lucky enough to experience someone’s truth—to really hear their story; I try to ask those questions. I want to make others feel heard and valued. These moments of connection keep me close to Brett.
My family is a fan of Marvel super hero tales. This quote from an episode of Wanda Vision sticks with me… “What is grief, if not love persevering?” Those words felt so right. The love stays even when we experience loss. The advantage is in recognizing what we still have and how it persists, endures. We must call those gifts forth, summoning them into each moment and connecting it to our present.
March is hard and it is also filled with love.
What insights have your losses gifted you? What love remains from those you miss?
Today, grab your loved ones and squeeze ‘em ‘til their ribs crunch.
Rachel
